Introduction
Returning to work after maternity leave or parental leave can be one of the most emotionally complicated transitions in early parenthood.
Before it happens, many parents assume this phase will mostly involve logistics: arranging childcare, coordinating schedules, figuring out pumping or feeding routines, and getting back into the rhythm of work.
But once the transition actually begins, many people realize it’s about much more than logistics.
Going back to work can bring a whole mix of emotions: grief, relief, guilt, anxiety, pride, pressure, and sometimes these all showing up in the same day. It can feel confusing to hold so many different feelings at once.
In our work as perinatal therapists, this is one of the most common times parents reach out for support. Many clients start counselling when they are preparing to return to work after maternity leave, or in the first few weeks after going back. The emotional weight of the transition often catches people off guard. If you are struggling during this stage, you are absolutely not alone.
This post is primarily written for birth mothers returning to work after maternity leave. The postpartum period involves major physical, hormonal, and emotional changes that can make this transition especially intense. At the same time, non-birthing parents, partners, and dads can also experience meaningful emotional shifts when returning to work after parental leave. We will touch on that later as well.
You will notice that the phrase “maternity leave” appears throughout this article. That is mostly because it reflects the language many people use when searching for information about this topic online. At the same time, parental leave experiences vary widely depending on family structure, identity, workplace policies, and cultural context. Every family’s experience of leave (and returning to work) looks a little different.
If this transition feels heavier than you expected, that does not mean something is wrong with you. It simply means you are navigating a major life change. Alright, let’s get into it.
Why Does Returning to Work After Maternity Leave Feel So Hard?
Many people assume that returning to work after maternity leave will mostly be about managing logistics.
But for many moms, the hardest parts are often emotional.
This transition touches so many areas of life at once: your relationship with your baby, your identity, your physical recovery, your sleep, your work role, and your family routines. It makes sense that it can feel like a lot.
The attachment relationship with your baby.
During maternity leave, many moms spend months in close daily contact with their baby. You are feeding them, soothing them, watching their cues, learning their rhythms. That kind of closeness builds a strong emotional bond. Returning to work introduces a new rhythm where you spend part of the day apart. Even when you trust your childcare and know your baby is safe, that separation can still feel surprisingly emotional.
Your brain is still adapting to becoming a parent.
Research shows that pregnancy and early parenthood actually change certain areas of the brain related to bonding, attention, and emotional awareness (Hoekzema et al., 2017). These changes help parents stay tuned in to their baby’s needs. But they can also mean that separation from your baby feels more intense than you expected.
Sleep also plays a huge role.
Most parents are still dealing with broken sleep when they return to work. Even if your baby is sleeping longer stretches, nights are often still interrupted. Being tired makes everything harder, including focusing at work, regulating emotions, and coping with stress.
The messages society sends about motherhood and work.
Some mothers feel judged for going back to work too soon. Others feel judged for wanting to return to work at all. Some feel sadness about needing to return before they feel ready, especially when finances or workplace policies limit options.
At the same time, some moms feel guilty for looking forward to going back to work.
And this is important to say clearly: for many mothers, returning to work can actually be very good for their mental health.
Some clients tell us that going back to work helped them feel like themselves again. Having adult conversation, using their professional skills, and spending time outside of full-time caregiving can feel grounding and energizing.
If that is your experience, that is completely okay! Both experiences are valid.
Some parents feel relief returning to work. Others feel grief or conflict. Many feel a mix of both.
Is It Normal to Feel Depressed About Going Back to Work After Maternity Leave?
Many mothers worry that something is wrong with them if they feel deeply sad about returning to work.
The truth is that it is very common to feel emotional during this transition.
Some parents feel dread in the weeks leading up to their return date. Others notice they feel tearful, overwhelmed, or irritable during the first weeks back at work. Some feel guilt all day while they are away from their baby. Others feel emotionally pulled in multiple directions.
In many cases, these feelings are part of a difficult adjustment period.
Returning to work after maternity leave usually involves many changes happening all at once:
- A major shift in your daily routine
- Increased responsibilities and mental load
- Time away from your baby
- Less sleep
- New childcare logistics
- Changes in how household and parenting responsibilities are shared
When this many changes happen together, emotional stress is completely understandable, and something we see with our counselling clients frequently.
At the same time, sometimes distress goes beyond a normal adjustment period.
Research shows that postpartum mood and anxiety disorders affect roughly 15–20% of mothers (O’Hara & McCabe, 2013). Major transitions, including returning to work, can sometimes intensify symptoms that were already present or bring new symptoms to the surface.
Feeling depressed about going back to work after maternity leave does not mean you are ungrateful or weak. Often it simply means your nervous system is trying to handle a lot at once, and that you need more support.
Grief, Guilt, and Identity Shifts
One of the biggest emotional pieces of returning to work after maternity leave is the identity shift it can bring.
Many mothers experience a sense of grief during this transition, that can be hard to talk about or put words to. This isn’t the same as grief in the traditional sense (like losing someone), but grief for the stage that is ending.
The early months with a baby can feel slow, intimate, and all-consuming. They can also feel really special, unique, and unlike any other stage of life. Returning to work often marks the end of that chapter, so even if someone values their career and wants to return, there can still be sadness about leaving that phase behind.
Guilt is also a very common emotion for moms going back to work
Some moms feel guilty about leaving their baby during the day. Others feel guilty for enjoying work or missing adult conversation. Many feel pulled between two identities that both matter deeply: their professional self and their identity as a parent.
These feelings can exist at the same time.
Feeling sad about leaving your baby does not mean you regret your career. Feeling fulfilled at work does not mean you love your child any less.
Human emotions are capable of holding multiple truths at once.
In therapy, we often help parents learn how to make space for those mixed feelings instead of assuming they mean something is wrong. We also want to highlight that feeling guilt does not mean that you have done anything wrong. Sometimes we feel guilt as a knee-jerk emotional reaction based on internalized societal rules such as “moms should stay home with kids” or “you shouldn’t want to go back to work”. These kinds of messages are simply not true, so it’s important to challenge that guilt when it comes up.
Struggling at Work After Maternity Leave
Many parents worry something is wrong with them or that they’re not handling the transition well if work suddenly feels harder after maternity leave. But in reality, struggling at work after maternity leave is extremely common.
Parents often describe experiences like:
- Feeling foggy or forgetful
- Having trouble concentrating
- Feeling less confident professionally
- Difficulty switching between “mom mode” and work mode
- Managing pumping during the workday
- Worrying about their baby while they are at work
- Feeling emotionally exhausted by the end of the day
- Feeling like everyone else at work moved ahead while they were gone
There are real reasons this happens. Many parents are still running on broken sleep when they return to work, and that alone can make focus and memory harder. Hormonal changes after birth can also affect mood and energy for a while. On top of that, your brain has spent months prioritizing caring for your baby, which is a huge job in itself.
Research shows that sleep disruption, hormonal changes, and the mental load of caring for a baby can temporarily affect memory and concentration during the postpartum period (Henry & Rendell, 2007).
None of this means you have become less capable. For most parents, focus and confidence gradually return as routines settle and sleep improves. But during those early weeks and months, it is very normal for work to feel harder than it used to.
The Role of Hormones and Sleep in This Transition
Your body is still going through a lot during this stage, even if it is not always obvious.
After birth, hormone levels drop very quickly. These hormonal changes can affect mood, stress tolerance, and emotional sensitivity for a while (Glynn & Sandman, 2014).
Sleep is another major factor. Even if your baby is sleeping longer stretches, many parents are still waking through the night for months. Broken sleep affects concentration, patience, and emotional resilience.
For breastfeeding parents, returning to work can also bring additional challenges. Some parents are figuring out pumping schedules during the workday. Others notice changes in milk supply or realize they may need to wean earlier than they expected. Each of these experiences can bring complicated feelings and emotional changes due to hormones shifts.
When you step back and look at everything happening at once, sleep disruption, hormonal shifts, work demands, and caring for a baby, it makes sense that this transition can feel overwhelming.
How to Emotionally Handle Going Back to Work
There is no perfect way to handle returning to work after maternity leave. Every family’s situation, workplace, and support system is different.
What tends to help most during this stage is not productivity strategies, but support and realistic expectations.
Some things that many parents find helpful include:
Gradual transitions when possible
If workplace policies allow it, easing back into work with reduced hours or a phased return can make the adjustment feel less abrupt.
Open conversations with partners
Returning to work often means household responsibilities and childcare routines need to be adjusted. Talking openly about expectations can reduce stress and resentment.
Lowering expectations temporarily
Both work and parenting may feel harder for a while. Giving yourself permission to move through this stage imperfectly can relieve a lot of pressure.
Creating supportive routines
Small rituals, like a consistent goodbye routine at daycare or a reconnection moment with your baby after work, can help the day feel more emotionally manageable.
Getting support
Many parents find it helpful to talk with someone who understands perinatal mental health.
If you are navigating emotional strain during this transition, you may find it helpful to explore support around parental mental health or learn more about how to deal with parental burnout.
When It Is More Than Just an Adjustment
While many emotional reactions during this transition are normal, sometimes the distress becomes more persistent.
Signs that additional support may be helpful include:
- Ongoing sadness or hopelessness
- Intense anxiety or panic
- Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected
- Difficulty bonding with your baby
- Intrusive or distressing thoughts
- Sleep difficulties beyond what infant care explains
- Feeling unable to cope with daily responsibilities
These experiences can be related to postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, or parental burnout, all of which are treatable.
Seeking support does not mean something is wrong with you as a parent. It means you are recognizing that you deserve care during a demanding phase of life.
Returning to Work After Parental Leave for Non-Birthing Parents
Although the postpartum experience is different for birth mothers, non-birthing parents can also experience emotional shifts when returning to work after parental leave.
Partners often describe:
- Missing daily time with their baby
- Feeling pulled between work and family responsibilities
- Pressure to provide financially
- Changes in their relationship with their partner
- Difficulty adjusting to new routines
Because this experience is talked about less often, many non-birthing parents feel unsure how to express these emotions. But their adjustment is real.
Supporting the mental health of all caregivers helps strengthen the entire family.
Closing Thoughts
Returning to work after maternity leave or parental leave is a major life transition! It is not just a scheduling change. It often involves emotional shifts, identity changes, physical recovery, and new family routines all happening at once.
Struggling during this time does not mean you are failing as a parent. It does not mean you are failing at your career. It means you are navigating a meaningful and complex transition.
In our work as perinatal therapists, we see how common this stage is. Many parents reach out for counselling because the emotional adjustment feels heavier than they expected.
If returning to work after maternity leave is bringing up grief, anxiety, or overwhelm, you do not have to navigate that alone.
If you are in Canada and looking for compassionate, perinatal-informed care, the team at The Perinatal Collective supports parents through the many emotional transitions of early parenthood. You can explore our team of therapists here.
Frequently Asked Questions About Returning to Work After Maternity Leave
Is it normal to feel depressed or sad about going back to work after maternity leave?
Yes, many mothers experience sadness, dread, or emotional overwhelm when returning to work after maternity leave. This transition often involves separation from your baby, sleep deprivation, identity changes, and increased responsibilities all happening at once.
For some parents, these feelings ease as routines settle and the adjustment period passes. However, if the sadness feels persistent, intense, or begins affecting daily functioning, it may be helpful to explore additional support with a therapist who understands perinatal mental health.
Why am I struggling at work after maternity leave?
Struggling at work after maternity leave is extremely common. Many parents notice temporary changes in concentration, confidence, and emotional energy during this period.
Several factors contribute to this adjustment, including sleep disruption, hormonal shifts, new childcare logistics, and the mental load of balancing caregiving with professional responsibilities. Over time, many parents find that their confidence and cognitive focus return as routines stabilize.
How long does it take to adjust to returning to work after maternity leave?
The adjustment period can vary widely from person to person. Some parents begin to feel more settled within a few weeks, while others find that the transition takes several months.
Factors such as sleep quality, workplace flexibility, childcare arrangements, and emotional support systems can all influence how quickly the transition feels manageable. It is common for the early weeks of returning to work after maternity leave to feel particularly intense.
Is it normal to feel guilty about returning to work after having a baby?
Yes, guilt is one of the most common emotions parents report when returning to work after maternity leave. Some parents feel guilty about leaving their baby during the day, while others feel guilty for enjoying aspects of returning to work.
These mixed emotions often reflect the reality that both roles — parent and professional — matter deeply. Feeling pulled between them does not mean you are doing something wrong.
Can returning to work after maternity leave improve mental health?
For many mothers, returning to work can actually support mental wellbeing. Some parents report that reconnecting with their professional identity, having adult conversation, and spending time outside of caregiving helps them feel more balanced.
Both experiences are valid. Some parents feel relief returning to work, while others experience grief or conflict. Mental health outcomes often depend on workplace support, childcare stability, and overall stress levels.
When should I seek support after returning to work?
It may be helpful to seek support if returning to work after maternity leave brings persistent sadness, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, emotional numbness, or difficulty coping with daily responsibilities.
Perinatal therapists are specifically trained to support parents navigating postpartum transitions, including identity shifts, work re-entry, and the emotional complexity of early parenthood.
References
Glynn, L. M., & Sandman, C. A. (2014). Evaluation of the association between placental corticotrophin-releasing hormone and postpartum depressive symptoms. Psychosomatic Medicine.
Henry, J. D., & Rendell, P. G. (2007). A review of the impact of pregnancy on memory function. Journal of Clinical and Experimental Neuropsychology.
Hoekzema, E., et al. (2017). Pregnancy leads to long-lasting changes in human brain structure. Nature Neuroscience.
O’Hara, M. W., & McCabe, J. E. (2013). Postpartum depression: Current status and future directions. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology.
+ show Comments
- Hide Comments
add a comment