The 15 most common reasons why parents come to counselling

What’s the purpose of a perinatal therapist or a counsellor who supports parents specifically? And should you, a new parent or parent of school-aged children consider going to therapy? If you’re even considering getting in touch with a therapist for a consultation or first session, there are many signs you can look for in your life that may validate that yes, this is the right move for you.  

But what is a perinatal therapist and what do they do? 

Counselling for parents: What’s a perinatal therapist? 

First of all, the perinatal period refers to the point of pregnancy up until the first year postpartum. So, a perinatal therapist is someone who supports the emotional needs of someone in that time of their life. 

But we find that rather limiting. As we know, many mood disorders, struggles, relationship problems, or identity issues extend well beyond this chunk of time. Especially if you’re experiencing a mood disturbance that has gone untreated! Parenting is difficult (as if we need to tell you that!) and really, we find that parents of babies and up to school-aged children need more support and guidance than they’re getting. So in a nutshell, that’s our “why,” our purpose. 

How do you know if it’s time to try therapy? 

Well there’s no definitive way to say so but keep in mind that there’s no issue that’s too small to warrant a one-on-one appointment with a qualified counsellor. Book an appointment if you feel compelled to do so. 

Green-flag signs it’s time to give therapy a try! 

Need something a little more specific than that? Here are 15 of the most common reasons why parents—mothers, fathers, non-birthing, step, or adoptive—book a session. 

They want to be proactive

Many people are choosing to put energy into prevention, self-awareness, being proactive and getting into healthy habits before you really need to rely on them. Some parents choose to go to therapy for ongoing support or maintenance. When you’re not in survival, stress and overwhelm mode, you have more bandwidth to create healthy routines, reflect on personal needs, learn the ropes of good communication, or identify core values. In other words, some parents come to counselling in order to lay the best foundation possible.

One or both parents is looking to break cycles of abuse, harsh parenting, or intergenerational trauma

Some parents go to therapy because there’s a difficult part of their past that they want to look at, confront, and address. Let’s say you experienced parental abuse, were raised by emotionally immature parents, or know of another family pattern that you don’t want to repeat in your own household. Therapy can be an effective way to address those patterns and learn ways to prevent them from repeating. 

The relationship isn’t feels as fulfilling

Did you know that more than two thirds of relationships see a significant dip in satisfaction after a baby is born? Counselling can help to identify areas of unhealthy or problematic communication, unhelpful patterns, unreasonable expectations, or lifestyle factors that lead to decreased connection. No, your relationship isn’t doomed because you’re having kids, but yes, there’s a lot you can learn to make this transition as smooth on your relationship as possible. not doomed. 

One or both parents are surprised by their own reactions or big emotions

Big emotions like rage, anger, deep sadness, or irritability aren’t bad. These uncomfortable emotions might not feel good, but they aren’t something to avoid either. Sometimes parenthood can bring out reactions or feelings that really surprise us. Really, this is just our emotions telling us about a greater, deeper need. Counselling can help you get to the root of what that is. 

You feel disconnected from your baby 

Some parents feel shocked when they don’t connect with their baby right away. You may have thought you’d feel in love and an instant baby-parent connection immediately. When that doesn’t happen… it can feel confusing, wrong, or disorienting. But we want you to know that ambivalence is more common than you’d think. Need to ask questions about that? That’s why we’re here. 

You’re making decisions around fertility and future pregnancies

A lot of parents need support in deciding whether or not to grow their families. Maybe a big family was always what you and your partner had in mind but now… you’re not so sure. The reasons behind that are personal and unique. Traumatic birth experiences, tough pregnancies, experiences of PPD or PPA, feeling overwhelmed by family life as it is, or just no longer feeling compelled to have additional children are all valid reasons. Couples go to counselling to parse through this, process, and feel confident in their decisions. 

Past mood issues or experiences are resurfacing and become a problem  

People who have a past history of mental health issues like anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder are at a higher risk of developing PPA and PPD. If you used to struggle with one of these things and the birth of your child seems to have triggered the onset of similar symptoms, it’s likely a good idea to seek professional support.

You’re not seeing yourself reflected in common parenting styles and you need direction

Parenting, and your way of doing it, is an individual as your career, lifestyle, partner you choose, friend circle, or place you decide to call home. Some parents come to counselling because they’re opting for a less traditional approach and they just aren’t seeing that reflected in the parents or community around them. A therapist can help you identify key personal values and apply those to how you raise your family, and help you address the feelings that come up around this. 

News surrounding fertility or birth control is triggering a past or current experience 

Regardless of where you’re geographically located (our team is in Canada!), news or political discourse around birth control, contraception, terminating pregnancies, fertility, and family planning is prominent these days. That can be triggering for a lot of people for so many reasons. If you need to talk through anything related to your own fertility, past or current pregnancy, or family planning options, therapists provide a safe, informative, and unbiased place to do so. 

One or both parents is experiencing a postpartum mood disorder 

Did you know that all parents can experience mood disorders? Common perinatal mood disorders include (but are not limited to) postpartum depression (PPD), postpartum anxiety (PPA), ADHD, bipolar, or things like intrusive thoughts or rage. This is common in moms, dads, and non-birthing parents. Meeting with a counselling can be really helpful for identifying, and monitoring, symptoms and well as connecting with other necessary supports. 

To address infertility or child loss 

Infertility and child loss are experiences that many perinatal therapists gently hold space for in their work. A therapist can support you as you grieve, make sense of what’s happened, and find words for the pain that often feels impossible to describe. You might be facing challenges conceiving your first child, navigating secondary infertility, or learning how to keep going after the loss of a baby or child. Whatever your story, this is one of the most painful and complex human experiences, and you don’t have to move through it alone. 

To work through difficult birth experiences 

Many parents reach out for therapy to process and heal from birth trauma. So what counts as birth trauma? Simply put, if it felt traumatic to you, then it was. Your experience matters.  It’s common to feel a mix of emotions after a difficult birth or when your birth plan didn’t go the way you hoped. Feelings like shock, fear, guilt, shame, or even a sense of being stuck are incredibly normal responses to a distressing experience. Working with a therapist can give you the space to acknowledge what happened, make sense of it, and begin to heal in a way that helps you feel safer and more grounded moving forward.

Things aren’t going the way you imagined or expected 

There can be a lot (and we mean a lot ) of unmet expectations in parenthood. Society paints a picture of what family life is “supposed” to look like, but for most people, that version just doesn’t exist. Between the identity shifts, less time for yourself, changes in your relationship, financial pressures, and the constant need to be “on,” parenting can sometimes feel like endless work with very little payoff. Many parents come to us feeling disappointed, discouraged, or even regretful, and while those feelings can be hard to admit, they’re incredibly common. You’re not broken or ungrateful for feeling this way. You’re human. And you don’t have to hold it all in silence or shame.

Something feels off but it’s hard to articulate what or why 

Many parents reach out for counselling simply because something doesn’t feel right, even if they can’t put their finger on what’s changed. Parenthood is one of the biggest transitions you’ll ever experience, and it can stir up emotions, questions, and patterns you didn’t even know were there. Feeling “off” is often the first sign that you could use a bit of extra support, and that’s completely okay. 

Because you want to! 

Sometimes the best reason to start counselling is simply because you want to. You don’t need to have a crisis, a diagnosis, or a perfectly articulated reason. If you’re curious about how therapy works or wonder whether it could help you feel more like yourself again, that curiosity is enough. It’s often the first step toward meaningful change. 

Parenthood changes everything, and you don’t have to navigate those changes alone. Whether you’re coping with anxiety, grief, identity shifts, or just trying to feel more grounded in this season, support is available. Our team of perinatal therapists understands what it’s like to walk through these complex experiences and can help you find steadier ground, one step at a time.

If you’re in Canada, you can learn more about our therapy team here and find a counsellor who’s the right fit for you.

If you’re outside of Canada, you can visit Postpartum Support International, they have a directory of perinatal-trained therapists who can offer specialized support wherever you are.

Wherever you’re reading from, you deserve support that helps you feel seen, understood, and cared for in this stage of life.