Ambivalent About Your Pregnancy? Well, That’s More Normal Than You May Think

Do these mixed emotions mean anything?

Pregnancy is often portrayed as a time of joy and excitement, but the reality is way more complex. Not everyone experiences immediate happiness—or sadness—when they find out they’re pregnant. 

Some people feel uncertain, neutral, or even detached. This experience, known as pregnancy ambivalence, is more common than many realize. If this is speaking to your reality right now, know that you’re not alone!

Pregnancy ambivalence doesn’t mean anything negative about you. It doesn’t mean you won’t be a good parent. It means you’re thoughtfully processing a major life transition and like with anything in life, there are no wrong emotions. 

Instead of labelling these feelings as ‘wrong’ or ‘concerning,’ we need to normalize ambivalence and make space for all the emotions that come with pregnancy. You’re not over-the-moon happy. So what?!

Here, we’re cracking open this topic to explain why some expecting parents feel ambivalent, how to have more honest conversations, and how to best support yourself through this chapter. 

Normalizing Pregnancy Ambivalence

Society often assumes that pregnancy should bring immediate joy. You take the test, get a positive result, and you’re supposed to be absolutely thrilled right. that. second. 

But in reality, pregnancy is a time of massive physical, emotional, relationship, lifestyle, and identity shifts. Feeling unsure or having mixed emotions is a natural response to change.

Imagine other major life transitions like a move, job change, or big purchase. Wouldn’t it be natural to feel a mix of excitement, sadness, anxiety, and enthusiasm? A baby is a big deal. Why should it be any different?

Ambivalence can stem from many factors, including personal history, mental health, and external pressures. Rather than judging these feelings, it’s important to recognize that processing a major life shift takes time. 

Uncertainty doesn’t mean a lack of love or care—it means a person is engaging with the reality of their experience in a thoughtful way. That’s a good thing! 

Why You Might Be Feeling Ambivalent

There are many reasons why you might feel uncertain about pregnancy. Some of the most common include:

Life transitions

Even if a pregnancy was planned, it can bring grief for past freedoms, a shifting identity, and changing relationships. Adjusting to the idea of parenthood is a process, not an overnight transformation. And if it *wasn’t* planned, well that can be a big surprise to process and adjust to. The point is: This is a lot. There’s a lot that will be let go, a lot that will change, so much learning that’ll happen, and a very different reality. It would be weird not to be a bit shocked by this transition. 

Mental Health factors

Anxiety, depression, or past trauma can shape how someone experiences pregnancy. A history of loss, medical concerns, or unresolved emotions can create uncertainty. We know that those with a history of mood disorders like anxiety and depression are most likely to experience similar issues in the perinatal period. You might be sitting with that fact right now. 

Social and Systemic Pressures

Cultural narratives often tell us that pregnancy should bring only joy—and that everyone, women especially, should want to have kids without any reservations. This unrealistic expectation makes it harder to talk about feelings like fear, doubt, indifference, or hesitation. Societal expectations can also dictate how you raise your child so your ambivalence might be related to already resisting pressures you know don’t align with you. 

Partner and Support Concerns

Relationship dynamics, financial worries, or a lack of support can all contribute to mixed emotions about pregnancy. We know that relationship satisfaction takes a hit for more than 60% of couples after a baby enters the picture. This is a very real and valid concern. 

Personal Readiness

Not everyone feels emotionally, mentally, or financially prepared for parenthood, even if they previously considered having children. Uncertainty about the future can lead to mixed emotions. Sure, there’s that saying that “there’s never a perfect time,” but it’s still valid to have reservations right now. 

Career and Life Goals

Pregnancy can shift priorities and impact career aspirations, education, or personal freedom. Some may struggle with how a child fits into their long-term plans. You might wonder what you may have to give up, how your timeline for certain goals may have to be delayed, and if you’ll even have time for personal passion projects, etc. You’re more than just your role as a parent so these are valid concerns. 

Logistical Factors

This might not be your first pregnancy and adding a member to the family is having you assess many logistical factors like finances, splitting the load, taking on more responsibility, wondering about future family dynamics, or worrying about how you’ll care for a newborn and a young child. All real concerns. All totally understandable. 

The Harm of ‘You Should Be Happy’ Messaging

One of the most damaging aspects of pregnancy ambivalence is the pressure to feel a certain way. Many people hesitate to express their doubts or concerns because they fear judgment. Society often tells pregnant individuals they should be grateful, but this expectation can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or isolation. But secrets only enhance suffering.

It’s important to remember that perinatal mental health deserves space for the full range of emotions—not just the ones that fit into the convenient narrative of joyful anticipation. No one should feel forced to suppress their true emotions to meet external expectations.

How to Support Yourself Through Ambivalence

If you’re experiencing pregnancy ambivalence, the last thing you need is to beat yourself up about it. So you’re not instantly thrilled with the news. That’s totally normal and absolutely ok. What you don’t need right now is to add to it with guilt, judgement, shame, and silence. 

There are ways to navigate these feelings with care and self-compassion. Here’s what you want to do instead. 

Practice self-compassion: 

Remind yourself that uncertainty is normal and does not define your ability to be a good parent. You’re allowed to feel however it is that you feel. You’re not bad, wrong, or a failure. 

Talk about it: 

Seek out safe, non-judgmental spaces such as therapy, support groups, or trusted friends who can listen without imposing their own expectations. Once you put it out there, there’s a good chance that you’ll be met with a, “Me too!” or, “Same! That’s exactly how I felt!”

Explore your emotions with curiosity: 

Instead of shaming yourself for how you feel, ask yourself: What is this ambivalence trying to tell me? Why do I feel the way I do? What do I need right now? What could be better about this situation?

Reduce pressure for certainty: 

You don’t have to have all the answers today. Allow yourself the time and space to process your emotions at your own pace. How you feel now may be very different from how you feel four months from now. Just let emotions and thoughts run their course without attaching too much meaning to them. 

Seek Professional Guidance: 

A therapist, counsellor, or pregnancy support organization that specializes in this kind of thing can provide unbiased guidance, helping you explore your emotions without pressure. We focus on the perinatal period because we know that the emotional challenges are unique to this time and that there are many complicated struggles that only happen to people from pregnancy to early parenthood. 

Give Yourself Time: 

Ambivalence doesn’t require immediate action. Taking time to process feelings can help in understanding how life will unfold from here. 

A Call for More Open Conversations

If we want to improve perinatal mental health support, we need to create space for the full experience of pregnancy—including uncertainty. A mental health-informed approach to perinatal care means acknowledging and addressing the complicated, nuanced emotions that come with pregnancy.

Pregnancy ambivalence is not a flaw or failure; it’s a natural and valid part of many people’s journeys. By fostering open conversations and compassionate support, we can help ensure that all emotions are met with understanding, not judgment.

If this is what you’re going through right now and you’re in Canada, reach out! Our team at The Perinatal Collective is trained to support you with whatever you’re going through. Whether it’s pregnancy ambivalence, fear of giving birth, postpartum mood challenges, or deciding how you’ll parent in a way that feels true to you, we’ve helped clients through it all!