ADHD In Motherhood: 6 Common Daily Struggles

 If you have ADHD, you might struggle with these things in motherhood…

You’ve been feeling scattered, unfocused, disorganized, and like you’re not able to finish all that you wish to get done. You’re becoming forgetful. It’s as though information goes in one ear and out the other. 

You wish you could be the Type A mom. You know, the one we often admire and feel like we “should” be. Who wakes up before 6 a.m., exercises, packs the kids a healthy lunch, is never late, and whose home looks like a page from a magazine. 

You feel like you’re light years away from that standard (you try not to compare, but can’t help it). Your home feels cluttered and disorganized, you have loose ends in need of tying up, your to-do list seems to grow every day, you have a hard time keeping time, and there’s tons of signs of projects you’ve started but can’t seem to complete. 

If this sounds like you, you could be experiencing ADHD and not even know it. 

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is a neurodevelopmental condition characterized by inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity (and no, it’s not just that hyper kid in elementary school that has it!). It’s surprisingly common in parenthood, and many moms don’t realize this until after they have kids when everything becomes too much.  If you have undiagnosed ADHD, you might have difficulties with focusing, organizing, and managing daily tasks, which as a parent, can cause a lot of problems. 

We get it. Let’s talk it through. 

ADHD in adulthood

While it can be diagnosed at any age, many women aren’t diagnosed with ADHD until well into adulthood. In fact, ADHD in adult women has made headlines a lot in recent years with The New York Times recently reporting that women and people of colour tend to be underdiagnosed early in life. 

Not only that, but of women with ADHD, 61% get that diagnosis in adulthood… compared to 40% of men. Hence why you may have seen a surge of articles, TikTok content, and Instagram posts directed at women diagnosed as adults. 

But what about moms specifically?

A lot of women don’t get diagnosed with ADHD until motherhood. That’s because parenthood (and specifically the unequal division of responsibilities and mental load that disproportionately impacts mothers) brings additional stress that can exacerbate ADHD. 

For example, there’s a much longer list of responsibilities and things to get done, you’re operating in a more distracting environment (kids talking, messes, TVs, and noise), and you’re not as in control of things like sleep quality, predictable schedules, or big emotions. Children demand your attention and you’re not able to divide your focus when you’re pulled in so many directions. The other major factor that’s at play here is that moms tend to shoulder a much heavier mental load when kids enter the picture. 

Many women find out they’ve been dealing with ADHD all along and think, “How did I not know?” In all likelihood, it’s because strategies you used in the past just no longer work once all the additional to-dos and distractions are added to the mix. 

For example, maybe once upon a time, you could dial in and hyper focus ahead of a big work deadline limiting distractions and working in short bursts. With kids though, that’s pretty much impossible. What kept you functioning in your former life just no longer works. Kids tip you over the edge. 

Suspect you might be dealing with ADHD? In our practice, we come across ADHD in motherhood all the time. Here are some of the most common ways it shows up: 

ADHD in motherhood: 

Relate to any of these? If so, it could be worth working with a therapist to come up with some strategies so that you can better manage your daily life. 

You feel overwhelmed by regular household chores. 

The day-to-day things required to run a household can feel overwhelming or even impossible. Laundry piles up. There’s mounds of clutter hidden away in junk drawers. Your home always feels messy, disorganized, and overstimulating.

Even though you may feel like you’re always working hard to stay on top of it, for people with ADHD, this can just feel like a losing battle. There are always dishes to be done, piles of laundry to be folded, and clutter to be tidied. You might dedicate time and effort to do this… only to be right back in the same place two days later. “How do other moms always have perfectly clean houses?” That’s something you might catch yourself wondering often. You feel like your environment is always chaotic.  

Family-related admin is always pushed to the backburner. 

Another sign of ADHD in motherhood is when little admin tasks are always piling up… or completely forgotten about. This is challenging especially for moms of school-aged children. In the past, it might have been hard enough to keep track of your own admin (business, financial, medical, etc.) but now you also have school forms, events, hot lunch orders, summer camps, after school curricular activities, parent-teacher nights, field trips, and time to book off for vacations. If you have undiagnosed ADHD, these things might slip your mind or completely stress you out. 

Medical appointments can be hard to keep track of. 

Parenting also means keeping on top of medical appointments, checks, dental work, and exams. Similar to feeling overwhelmed with general admin, these tasks can feel like they just pile up. You might neglect them, forget, or get the ball rolling only to drop the ball on related follow-ups (like going for blood work, getting cavities filled, assessments, etc.) 

For someone struggling with ADHD in motherhood, these tasks can be the ones that trigger anxiety or that you regularly procrastinate on because they can feel never-ending. 

You often start projects but don’t finish them.

People with ADHD will often start a project or task and enthusiastically jump in but the excitement soon wanes and the project is left incomplete. For moms in particular, that could look like getting into decluttering mode, starting a deep dive into the home but then leaving several rooms in various stages of completion. 

If you’re a creative type, you may have a fantastic business idea one day, a premise for a new blog, or a DIY project idea. The next day though, you’ve already lost interest and forgotten all about it. If this is ringing a bell, you could look into ADHD and getting a therapist to help you manage it. 

Your self-esteem has seen better days.

Many who are unknowingly dealing with ADHD find that their self-esteem suffers. If you relate, this might be because of self-judgement, unmet expectations, failing to see things through, and feeling frustrated with yourself. 

This pattern can look a lot like this: there’s a goal, idea, or daily plan in place. As the day moves on, you don’t get as much done as you thought. Your house feels chaotic instead of zen. You forgot your kids’ backpack and then later ran late for a meeting. Each time something like this happens, your inner critic comes out saying things like: “Why can’t I get it together?” “How do I still have so much left to do? I’m so lazy!” “Why is it that other moms can do this and I can’t?” You feel like you’re always failing yourself and that brings down your self-esteem. 

The reality is that you could be struggling with ADHD and be in need of some coping mechanisms to get through your days more effectively. 

Anxiety seems to be hitting heavily.

There’s actually a really significant overlap between anxiety and ADHD. Many people even think that they’re simply dealing with anxiety (or depression) and therefore treat only that. Your reality might be that you’ve been struggling with ADHD all along which has then caused the anxiety. 

How does this work? When ADHD is the underlying mental health condition and a person is trying to function as neurotypical, they’re constantly disappointed, burnt out, frustrated, or feeling like they’re behind. As a response to that, they may start feeling intimidated by upcoming projects, not at-ease in their own space, less confident in their ability to handle daily demands, or like they can’t trust themselves to stay on top of their responsibilities. Anxiety, in these cases, is a symptom of untreated ADHD.

Final thoughts

Motherhood can be challenging for anyone, but for those with ADHD, the demands and distractions can amplify existing struggles. If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, disorganized, and constantly scatterbrained, it’s possible that ADHD could be a contributing factor (so no, your not a bad mom!). 

Living with ADHD doesn’t have to hold you back but letting it go untreated can lead to increased anxiety and depression. Not to mention, it can be difficult to function on a basic level without the right counselling, medication, and coping strategies. 

Despite years of struggling, many women don’t get an ADHD diagnosis until well into adulthood. If you suspect you may have ADHD, remember that seeking a diagnosis can be a positive step, providing access to support and strategies that can help you navigate motherhood with greater ease and confidence. 

By seeking help and implementing coping mechanisms, you can create a more balanced and fulfilling experience of motherhood. If this resonates, know that our team of therapists is equipped to help you deal with ADHD in motherhood. Reach out to book a session or consultation here.